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Pictures speak louder than words!

w00t!

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Wanted to do this for quite some time now… cause I’ve been doing the same tweaks to more than a few PCs for the past few months.

1. Update Your Windows.
-Every week if you’re free. Every fortnight to be safe. Every month if you’re pushing it.

2. Update Your Antivirus.
-If you don’t have one, and you’re still able to read this, I salute you. salute
-Every week would be nice. Every fortnight to be safe. Every month and you’ll still probably get away with it.
-I use AVG. It’s free and it works.

3.Update Your Adaware, Spyware Search & Destroy
-You don’t have to keep it installed. Just update and use every once in a while.

4.Stop using IE.
-Use Firefox or Opera
-Firefox is free. Opera isn’t.
-I’m using Opera.

5.Use msconfig to turn off all your stupid startup items.
-It’s mostly safe to turn off all startup items except systray.
-Laptop users might wanna keep their hotkey utility on if they so wish.

6.Use Bittorrent and/or DC++ for all your p2p needs*
-Cause it’s fast and reliable.

7.Use KLite Mega Codec Pack for all your codec needs*
-Cause you won’t need anything else. Ever.

8.Get a hosts file to stop ads*
-All you need to know is that it stops ads.

9. Get something to clean up your registry
-I use Regseeker.

10. Configure your system restore.
-You don’t really need more than 1 GB on your system drive. Can probably turn it off on other drives.

11. Configure system properties.
-You either make it pretty or make it fast.

I might or might not be updating this, or adding a permlink, depends on how you people like it. Cause it can get annoying when too many people come up to you and say “How to make my PC faster ?”

*: I won’t be held responsible if anything cocks up. Or if any legal issues should arise from using programs recommended in this guide.

You know you’re bored when you google google on google.

- Evolution in Progress. Check back soon! -

MALEVOLENT COMPUTERS RUN AMOK

SINGAPORE – Reports have been pouring in to the BITCH (Bureau of Information Technology Consumer Hotline) regarding an alarming uprising of personal computers against thier owners. Restarting, Crashing, Data Loss, connectivity issues, transfer problems, overheating and strange sounds were some of the alledged actions the computers have been accused of. When asked about the alledged coup, The head of NUTS (National University of Technology Singapore) Professor Dr. Datuk Tan Seng Leng commented

“Computers are very tempermental, you must treat them like your spouse, with love, care and affection”

When questioned about his lack of a spouse, he declined to comment further. He was heard to have muttered “No wonder my computer keeps crashing”

Across the causeway, the situation is not any better. In Ipoh, 19 year old Jane (Not her real name) has had issues with her computer since she got it. She had reported to the police a few months ago that the enter key has tried to assault and rob her. She has since had it ripped out. When asked if she had done anything to provoke it, she said “Well, i like to chat a lot… and i sleep very late…”

The insurgence has been attributed to the discovery of a website on the internet traced to a Mr Gill Bates. http://www.CompsRuleTheWorld.com contains pages right wing propogana and articles written by Mr Bates detailing the fall of the Human race. Walt Disney have offered to buy the website and are working on a feature film based it.

Members of the public are advised to Unplug all personal computers, open up the casings, and spill lukewarm water on exposed parts of circuitry while shouting “I WILL NOT GIVE IN!” Laptop owners are asked to open a can of shaken up Coca Cola over the keyboard after which Tearing out any key which looks suspicious. Pocket PC owners are urged not to keep the offending devices in their pockets, as they are out of plain view and are capable of covert operation.

In a related incident, Police are investigating the death of a 18 year old university student. Foul play has been ruled out, as a computer printed suicide note was found at the scene. He has been thought to have been “Spammed” to death. The officer in charge declined to comment.

For everyone who has not realised… This is Bull#@%!. Its Just something i conjured up feeling bored and frustrated by my computer. Please Dont Email Me Holding me responsible for anything dumb you have done to your computer.

Peace Out Y’all

‘Tis a bit late for this post considering my day trip balik kampung was last Wednesday but oh well… anything to save this place from being truly dead.

***

A brief history of Undang-dom in Rembau as told by my Uncle

A good 600-ish years ago circa 1200 – 1400 AD before the rise of the Malaccan Sultanate, a nobleman from Sumatra journeyed across the Straits of Malacca and landed where Rembau in Negeri Sembilan is today. Being horny, he married a fit local orang asli girl (who would probably be of the Jakun tribe) who’s clan was still in cawats (loincloths) with hooters gloriously swinging away in the hot sun. Bringing prosperity to the area, he declared himself Undang – the leader of the people in the state of which there are four in Negeri Sembilan.

His younger brother Sri Di-Raja was jealous of his elder brother’s “success” so to speak as he too wanted to become Undang, have land of his own and thus journeyed to Rembau. Elder brother said “no” at first because since the both of them were from the same family, the reign should pass by default to elder brother and should only pass to the younger brother either upon the death of himself and only if he had not procured an heir. But brothers are brothers and Elder Brother Lela Maharaja gave way to his younger brother’s wishes and thus declared that the title of Undang would be from that day forward be shared between the two suku (tribes) with a representative from each tribe taking turns one after the next.

I belong to the Biduanda Lela Maharaja suku who is in line for the title of Undang in 2 cycles.

But the cyclical ascent to Undang-ship has not always been without interruption. There was a time, I believe around 1800 or so when the Sultan of Johor wanted to pinang (ask for hand in marriage) a chun girl from the Lela Maharaja suku. The Johore Riau Sultanate was the most powerful Sultanate regime in the Malay States at the time after the exodus out of Malacca due to its fall to foreign rule. The advisors of the Undang who were from that suku at the time strongly opposed the marriage as in doing so, it would dilute the purity of Undang inheritance into the Johore Sultanate.

Naturally, the Sultan of Johore was murka (pissed off) as hell. And so the Undang Lela Maharaja apologized and punished his suku in that the Undang of Rembau would no longer be from his suku. The punishment lasted 4 generations.

***

Note that the suku is passed by the matriachal side of the family in Negeri Sembilan according to Adat Perpatih (Perpatih custom) which favours the women’s side of the family. In Adat Perpatih, the women hold most of the family property and inheritance favours the youngest daughter of the family. This contrasts the custom is the other states in Malaysia where they practice Adat Temenggung which conversely favours the men’s side of the family.

This does not mean that Adat Perpatih is against Islamic Syariah which clearly states that the men’s side should be given priority. Syariah Law kicks in in situations of intestacy (dying without a will) whereas Adat Perpatih is usually adhered to in the division of property and family fortune in the lifetime of the property holder which is allowed in Islam.